How Do I Know I Have ADHD?

How do I know I have ADHD? My Google search generated millions, maybe billions of results. Which is a lot for someone with undiagnosed adhd to manage. If you know, you know. The leading results via WebMD, Mayo Clinic and Healthline offered their generic "one-size-fits-all" scientific definitions.

Could I relate to those gerneralized symptoms? I guess? Hyperactivity, fidgety, excitability and risk-taking were all symptoms that did not apply. In fact, I was always known to be chill, calm and type b in nature. If anything I was a day dreamer and creative. None of the results listed could define, in all my neurodivergent glory, what the hell I was.

I only recently even considered the idea that I could have adhd after watching hundreds of TikToks saying that indeed my eccentricities like time blindness, fuzzy brain and frozen action were actually symptoms of adhd. Especially in women. I felt curious and somewhat relieved.

My next step? I contacted one of those "adhd" online companies that could diagnose you in minutes flat. I paid to speak with a "medical specialist" over a period of maybe twenty minutes who went down a small sheet of questions to diagnose me. It was impersonal and felt uncomfortable. My experience as follows:

"Do you have any family members with a history of mental disorders?" - Specialist

"Uhh yeah, bi polar" - Me

"Have you experience mood swings?" - Specialist

"Definitely" - Me

"Have you been hypo manic?" - Specialist

"I don't know, what does that mean?"- Me

"Have you felt elevated and unstoppable?" - Specialist

"I guess on a good day." - Me

"You say you have problems focusing?" - Specialist

"Yes" - Me

"How often" - Specialist

"Daily"- Me

More questions ensue.

"Well it appears to me you have bipolar II disorder. Can I go ahead and patch you to our pharmacy department to set you up with your mood stabalizier subscription?"- Specialist

"HUH?!"- Me

After nervously googling everything I could about Bipolar II it was clear to me that I did not have that. Not that I'm a doctor who could make that call but none of the baseline symptoms resonated with me. What was UNCLEAR was if adhd (which carried some similarities to Bipolar) was indeed the issue. I felt deflated. Finding answers was getting expensive and difficult.

I started asking the question, is there anything even wrong with me? Am I just depressed? I'll be honest. I was in a bad place mentally. After the pandemic, I found myself spiraling in memory loss, rash irritability, depression and it felt like all my "quirks" were overwhelming and I couldn't move forward. Frozen.

I was desperate. While there is plenty of evidence suggesting the pandemic created a wave of mental obstacles for everyone collectively, I still couldn't help but think about certain habits, moments and events in my history that I struggled with, could potentially be attributed to my brain working differently. Regardless, as a mother, wife and business partner, these elevated symptoms I was experiencing was causing me to spiral so I knew I had to do something.

My arduous journey continued over a few months . After multiple bad online "pharmacy" experiences, months of research, time with a cognitive therapist, I found one psychologist that was available and willing to work with me who specialized in neurodivergent disorders. They sent me an extensive and lengthy questionnaire and test. One that could not be completed in fifteen minutes. After review, the doctor did indeed diagnose me with adhd and that's when my real journey started.

I connected with my primary care provider on this development, provided her with my diagnosis and she started me on low dose adhd medication. And my world shifted quickly and changed for the better along with some new challenges from that point forward.

In retrospect, I think I was seeking a diagnosis to fix my problems and quickly. Much like many of us in a world of immediate gratification. Medication management on its own was a long and up and down journey. While many mental health medications on the market can help they are there to ASSIST in manging your symptoms not cure them. I think this was a key thing I came to understand.

The reality is, when it comes to your mental health and "disorders", it takes time. Time to understand, absorb, learn and manage.

With my diagnosis, also came those stages of grief. Shock, guilt, anger, lonliness, hope, sadness, etc. The good news is it also came with a tsunami of clarity, joy and hunger to understand the science behind my brain and what I could do to improve my life, relationships and environment.

It's been several years now, a very short time in the grand scheme of things at age 35 but I have found so many tools, facts, programs and more that have exponentially improved my life. I've also learned to come to love those unusual quirks as part of my adhd. Or superpowers as I call them and how to better leverage them.

So that's the short-long story of my adhd diagnosis story. This blog serves as my outlet to share those tools, education tidbits and ideas in bite sized form (unlike this adhd driven looong post) that could possibly help my fellow neurodivergents living in a black and white neurotypical world find peace, space, success and balance.

Thanks and welcome and feel free to say hey and share tools and ideas that has worked for you below! I'd love to hear about them.